Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
