remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
