Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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