i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
