Me. At least after what I've been through.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
