Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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