She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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