He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
