I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
