Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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