I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
