Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
