McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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