Someone shit on the floor
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
