After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
