If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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