just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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