It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
