he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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