You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I smell stomach acid.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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