my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
