i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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