what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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