I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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