I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
