you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
