proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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