Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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