so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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