the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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