she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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