Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
