my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
