Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
