My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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