You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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