did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
