Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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