I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
