My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just invented taco cereal.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
