I cockslap morals
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
