he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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