My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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