So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
