You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
