Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
