I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
