You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Your dad touched me again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
