i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
