i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize