You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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