Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
