just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
