I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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