Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
