White coat. Heels.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
