Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
