somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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