So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
