And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
