We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
